Hinder - Lips of an Angel

Honey why you calling me so late? It's kinda hard to talk right now. Honey why are you crying? Is everything okay? I gotta whisper 'cause I can't be too loud Well, my girl's in the next room Sometimes I wish she was you I guess we never really moved on It's really good to hear your voice saying my name It sounds so sweet Coming from the lips of an angel Hearing those words it makes me weak And I never wanna say goodbye But girl you make it hard to be faithful With the lips of an angel It's funny that you're calling me tonight And, yes, I've dreamt of you too And does he know you're talking to me Will it start a fight No I don't think she has a clue Well my girl's in the next room Sometimes I wish she was you I guess we never really moved on It's really good to hear your voice saying my name It sounds so sweet Coming from the lips of an angel Hearing those words it makes me weak And I never wanna say goodbye But girl you make it hard to be faithful With the lips of an angel It's really good to hear your voice saying my name It sounds so sweet Coming from the lips of an angel Hearing those words it makes me weak And I never wanna say goodbye But girl you make it hard to be faithful With the lips of an angel And I never wanna say goodbye But girl you make it hard to be faithful With the lips of an angel Honey why you calling me so late?

Major Breakdown

Well I had my first major breakdown today. I thought I was all over Carter and everything was fine, then I went to send him a text message and something strange happened. It was sent back to me. Apparently he changed his cell number again and for some odd reason, this distressed me. Actually, sent me into hysterics would be a better term. Why? I think I know the reason... Maybe because I'm not over him and pretend like I am so people will leave me alone. When really, all I want is to be held by the person I know that I'm still in love with and whose body I conform perfectly to. That is probably it. I'm still completely in love with him, and I can't get myself to just move on. I still have unfinished business and I honestly can't make myself believe that he doesn't feel for me anymore. I don't know, I'm probably just completely blinded by this naivety, but I don't care. I really, really want him back. More than anything right now. And yet, when in his company, I freeze. Really. I can't do ANYTHING, it's actually ridiculous. It brings me back to the days of Ty Foreman, except this time I actually know what it's like to touch, kiss and love this guy. It's been a long time since I've cried this much. When I see him I really just want to scream "LOVE ME! PLEASE JUST LOVE ME LIKE YOU DID!" But I can't, I won't. I refuse to show him my weakness. Especially since he is getting along just fine. God, his MOM misses me more than he does. ...It hurts.. later days.

Constant Reminders of You

Dear Carter Emde, Now, I know that you may never read this, but that is not the point. I needed to write this to finally get it off of my chest. I want to thank you Carter, for all of the good times that we shared, because now, I've been able to forget the bad. I know the time that we spent together was special for both of us, and though it may not have ended the way that I envisioned, I'm truly glad that it happened. What prompted this rather minute thank you? Well, it seems that of late I have been engulfed in a constant state of recollection. Meaning, I find reminders of you everywhere. You Carter, are constantly on my mind. Why? The reason is quite uncertain but I'm sure in time that it will present itself in it's shining glory to my somewhat resistant mind. This is really of no matter, since I believe that I am finally at peace. Some things were said tonight among three good friends that made me ponder our relationship, or what is left of it. Earlier on in the night I was presented with a rather peculiar question, "Even though there was the bad, do you still love him enough to ever take him back?" I shall always be ready to give you another chance, now, before I caricature my weakness to the world, please let me explain why. You really were a light in my life, not the light mind you, but one of those special people that come into your life that brings joy with them. And even though those around me failed to look through the imperfections, you were perfect to me. I learned from you, and I do believe that this, in turn, has made me a better person. In lack of something better I shall quote Britney Spears, "I'm Stronger, Than Yesterday." Everyday my strength increases, my knowledge, my power, my self confidence. I am becoming the woman that I want to be and I partially have you to thank for it. If it weren't for the many things that we shared, I wouldn't be the person I am today. Before you, I was shrouded in a fog of naivety. Not to infer that I was intellectually inferior in any way, but more inexperienced as were you. We learned from each other, grew together, and finally apart. Those experiences we shared, words whispered into a euphoric haze, those moments of excitement, wonder and learning.. I thank you for all of them, for, without you they would not have been possible. Thank You Carter Emde, my one first true love. For the days that I will always remember and the nights that I will never forget. You can be sure this is ended with love, just as it was started.. And sealed with a tear. Yours Truly, Sara Start later days..

It's Just, A Little Crush.. Right?

"It's just, a little crush. Right?" Well it would seem, that I have a bunch of little crushes lately.. I find that pretty interesting. Watch out world, the old Sara is back in business. For those of you who knew me in elementary school, you will know what I mean. Boys, boys, everywhere.. And you know what? I like it. It's fun to finally be 'back in action' as it were. Few of them are new guys, some are older friends.. But not that old. Crushes can only mean one thing, that I'm finally good with what went on between Carter and myself. And well, crushes are a whole bunch of fun. Blushing when that person comes in the room, late night giggles with girlfriends and even just the feeling of puppy-love induced happiness. I'm feeling it all ladies and gentleman, and it feels good. Some of these crushes are even layovers from when I was dating Carter. I know, I know.. "You had crushes when you were dating?!" And the answer is yes. I had quite a few actually, but I would never act on them, you all know that. Before they were "harmless little work/sports/friend/rowing crushes" and now, well, they could definately blossom into something more than that.. If given the chance to grow, that is. And it doesn't help that he has the most gorgeous smile I have ever seen.. *Swoon* Ahh.. Marvelous.. Just thinking about it makes me all happy and smiley. I like it. I'm finally back to the old Sara, I realize that it took a rather long time and I really appreciating all of you waiting as long as you did. Now.. I must figure out how to get what I want.. later days..

Dark Blue - Jack's Mannequin

I have, I have you breathing down my neck, breathing down my neck I don't, don't know what you could possibly expect under this condition so I'll wait, I'll wait for the ambulance to come, ambulance to come Pick us up off the floor what did you possibily expect under this condition so Slow down, this nights a perfect shade of Dark blue, dark blue Have you ever been alone in a crowded room while I'm here with you I said the world could be burning and burning down Dark blue, dark blue Have you ever been alone in a crowded room while I'm here with you I said the world could be burning 'til there's nothing but dark blue Just dark blue And this flood, this flood is slowly rising up, swallowing the ground Beneath, my feet. Tell me how anybody thinks under this condition so I'll swim, I'll swim as the water rises up sun is sinking down and now All I can see are the planets in a row suggesting it's best that I Slow down this nights a perfect shade of Dark blue, dark blue Have you ever been alone in a crowded room while I'm here with you I said the world could be burning and burning down Dark blue, dark blue Have you ever been alone in a crowded room while I'm here with you I said the world could be burning dark blue We were boxing, we were boxing the stars We were boxing (we were boxing) you were swinging for Mars And then the water reached the west coast And took the power lines, the power lines And it was me and you and the whole town underwater There was nothing we could do It was dark blue Dark blue, dark blue Have you ever been alone in a crowded room while I'm here with you I said the world could be burning and burning down Dark blue (dark blue...) Have you ever been alone in a crowded room while I'm here with you I said the world could be burning now there's nothing but dark blue If you've ever been alone you'll know dark blue If you've ever been alone you'll know, you'll know later days..

Beauty School Drop Out

So it's pretty much final, I'm dropping out of school.. All I really have to do is talk to my dad about it.... Yikes.. later days..

Numb Me

Numb me, I don't want to feel anything anymore. Life is spinning out of control, who is going stop it? Numb me, please, I don't know what to do.. I cry out for help.. Who's there? I'm scared.. Numb me from the pain, the uncertainty.. These tears wash down my face, strip away what once was. Please God, numb me. Confused, so confused. What's next? Where do I turn? Do I remember the last time I was truly happy? What is this all going to come down to? Happiness, what is it? How can I find what I used to have? This unfeeling shell, a carcass of my former self. Who am I? Certainly not who I once was. Who is this girl? I look in the mirror and I hate who I see. Is this normal? What is happening to me? The pain, the heartbreak.. Please, just numb me. Reclusive, the fear of solitude, yet I pull back from the world.. Why? Is it only when you have lost everything when you gain the knowledge of what you need? I'm scared. How do I change this? I need to be unconscious, to not be able to feel. I need to be numb. Fill up my days with frivolous pastimes so the uncertainty can't creep back in.. Why? Am I not strong enough to handle it? Where did the old me go? I'm abandoned by my own personality.. This mask that hides the pain.. This humour.. How long will it last? How long until I crack? Is it my time yet? When will I go? How does anyone even know..

Alex's Hair.

So, we [Jordan, Cat and I] went to Alex's after school today, and I guess he got his hair cut this morning.. LOVE IT by the way! It looks fantastic Alex. You are definately getting laid with that hair cut. And then we jammed in the basement.. it was marvelous. I enjoyed every second of it.. as usual. Thanks for the fun team! later days,