because i'm broken...

Broken I wanted you to know That I love the way you laugh I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away I keep your photograph And I know it serves me well I wanna hold you high and steal your pain Because I'm broken when I'm lonesome And I don't feel right when you're gone away You've gone away You don't feel me here anymore The worst is over now And we can breathe again I wanna hold you high and steal my pain away There's so much left to learn And no one left to fight I wanna hold you high and steal your pain Cause I'm broken when I'm open And I don't feel like I am strong enough Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome And I don't feel right when you're gone away Cause Im broken when I'm open And I don't feel like I am strong enough Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome And I don't feel right when you're gone away Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome And I don't feel right when you're gone You're gone away You don't feel me here anymore

broken

so it was a wonderfully warm morning on wednesday... when i went to put on my socks... and threw out my back.. now.. i know what you are all thinking.. "how the hell do you throw out your back putting on socks.. " and honestly? i have no freaking clue.. haha i am obviously in horrible shape.. and i really intend to change that.. because spending two days on the floor of my living room is not my idea of a good time.. on another note i am almost as good as new! two trips to the chiropractor later.. my back is in much better shape! hmmm now.. michelle, kate and i were throwing the idea of going to the dominican for a week or so next may or whatever.. girls.. the time has come to start getting our shit together. because we are doing this. its going to be the time of our life i'm pretty sure. and i am super excited! we will be even worse than kayla and michelle in hawaii! haha we need a day to start planning and whatnot if we are going to make this a reality!

Directions:Put your music player on shuffle. Press forward for each question. Use the song title as the answer to the question. No cheating! How am I feeling today? She Will Be Loved (Maroon 5) Will I get far in life? Harder To Breathe (Maroon 5) How do my friends see me? Stairway To Heaven (Led Zepplin) When will I get Married? Failure to Excommunicate (Relient K) What's my best friend's theme song? Superman's Dead (Our Lady Peace) What is the story of my life? Seven Minutes in Heaven (Fall Out Boy) What is/was highschool like? American Idiot (Green Day) How can I get ahead in life? Wake Me Up When September Ends (Green Day) What is the best thing about me? I Like That (Stop) (Jae Millz) How is today going to be? Why Don't You and I (Santana) What is in store for this weekend? Straight Jacket Feeling (All American Rejects) What song describes my parents? Better Now (Collective Soul) What song descirbes my grandparents? The Boys are Back In town (Everclear) How is my life going? How the River Flows (Everclear) What song will they play at my funeral? We're Making Up (Hot Apple Pie) How does the world see me? Sweetest Sin (Jessica Simpson) Will I have a happy life? Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas (Big Crowby & Frank Sinatra) What song describes my relationships with my friends? SOS (Rhianna) What song describes my romantic status? Calm Before the Storm (Fall Out Boy)

drama... and trauma?

well lately i've been a complete bitch. pretty much.. it's been my way or the highway. been fighting with.. basically everyone thats been put in front of me.. which can only mean one thing.. watch out world.. my mensus is coming.. and coming fast. so besides this crazy bitch fest there are some other things to report... juan came into town.. which was super fun actually.. hes a greatly hilarious guy. "my dildo ran out of batteries" haha omg that was the greatest night thanks to all the participants. michelle for the use of her car.. will for being just straight retarded.. and being afraid of heights.. that was hilarious. juan for coming and getting batteries for the dildo.. that was much appreciated. lmao. and myself for.. showing the previous three where to climb schools? and maybe for hoisting michelle up river heights by her ass. haha been working a whole shitload.. and will be working 20 hours at the man show this weekend.. i suggest that everyone come and visit me in all my hotness.. lol had a mere spat with carter. but thats because im moody and a spaz. but we all know that by now. maybe its from the lack of sex. ha. a-burn on myself. hm hm hmm... well thats about it i think dears.. later days.

modelling?

so last night.. i was on my computer just sitting around.. when i get this email from zorpia [kind of like nexopia] from this chick who is apparently a model.. and she was saying how her company would love to have me come down to niagra to model for them.. umm.. wtf? first of all... its me.. and thats just kind of weird. second of all.. niagra falls? third of all.. i haven't even HEARD of this modelling agency she talks about.. soooo pretty much a plan to lure and rape people i think... here is the conversation.... [destiny = me] .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: ummm hi samantha says: hi ... samantha says: wassup .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: haha nothing getting ready for bed.. .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: i actually feel really weird about adding you.. not really sure why i did samantha says: wanted to chat with me, you were curious, natural .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: lol yeah i guess .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: so you are a model? samantha says: yes, we are an agency in denmark samantha says: we show cars, gadgets, computers at fairs .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: oh i gotcha samantha says: i thought you were looking great in your pics, you have young cheeks, your eyes are great, distinctive eyes set your face apart from the norm. our film department is going with some new teams of people for north america magazines .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: i see .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: lol well i don't really think im cut out to model stuff .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: lol im just a regular girl samantha says: you are a regular girl, but that sells, you have the charm of next door susie making cupcakes .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: haha well thanks i guess .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: thats weird.. susie is my nickname.. .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: lol samantha says: who streaked your locks .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: oooh my hairdresser .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: shes great samantha says: buzz, she did a good job, you look fabulous [okay.. buzz? who the fuck says buzz.. i ask you that] .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: thank you .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: im going to her really soon to get it re-done samantha says: oh good, well, i am not trying to make you selfconscious, do not be shy because i am looking at you, you have impressed me already, be yourself .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: well thanks i guess .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: so you live in canada? samantha says: yes, in canada, at a municipal bird sanctuary, we have some offices .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: bird sanctuary? .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: where abouts is it? samantha says: niagara falls .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: oh sweet .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: my aunt and uncle live near there samantha says: there's no nicer place to live than here! .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: i actually really like it in saskatchewan .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: nice wide open spaces samantha says: what a pretty description of saskatchewan .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: yeah its awesome here .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: lol so how did you get involved with this modelling? .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: im just super curious because my friends always bug me about becoming a model and i thought they were just messing with me samantha says: no one is messing with you. your friends are right. come to niagara falls. we will meet you right off the bus and give you accomodations. we will pay you twelve hundred dollars and we will pay for your return fare home okay.. wow.. like what the hell is she talking about.. i mean.. 1200$ bucks? hello.. im down.. now if it only wasn't a scam... .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: ahh i don't think that my parents would let me go really.. and i have a job and whatnot that i can't really get away from samantha says: you have commitments and respecting your parents is an important one. what kind of job do you have .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: i work at a safeway here in saskatoon full time. .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: and you know.. friends and boyfriend .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: i would never go by myself ever. .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: whats the name of this agency? samantha says: jillbeth [aaaaaaaaaaaand i researched it.. couldn't find SHIT on this thing.. lies. all lies.] .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: oh nice samantha says: we are putting people in the united states and canada, for film and magazines .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: thats really cool samantha says: you are one fly chick, i saw your profile pics and they blew my top. how do compliments make you feel? .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: umm bewildered .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: lol samantha says: you are so real and sweet, you are open, you genuine, you have a great warm heart .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: well thanks .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: and you can say that without even actually knowing me? samantha says: not body language or environment, i have taken your zorpia at face value .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: thats fair samantha says: you did a good job, that is all, this is just girl talk .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: true enough .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: so how old are you samantha says: 18 samantha says: been modelling since age seven samantha says: first with some girls in new york .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: oh i see.. haha you don't really talk like an 18 year old samantha says: an english teacher taught me to talk, he couldn't teach me to model .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: so where did you grow up then samantha says: buffalo .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: well you are a bit of a way from home then aren't you samantha says: yeah, i go on msn with my family every night letting them know everybody is going great .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: well thats good then samantha says: they are supersupportive of me .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: thats good .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: i could never do that samantha says: i am sure your parents love you to pieces .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: lol yeah .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: i couldn't be away from them for a long time samantha says: if you made an excuse, when you were gone, you would not be missed, you would get away with it okay crazy chick.. why don't you just say.. "i have a plan to rape and kill you.. but don't tell your parents." .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: i don't need to get away with anything .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: jeopardizing the trust that i have with my parents, friends and boyfriend is something that i wont do when it took so long to gain samantha says: there's no such trust without long hard earning .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: yep .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: and it can be broken way to easily samantha says: ok, the next hour is here, when do you want to go to bed? .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: well i still have to wash my face .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: so soon most likely .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: i guess i'll have to talk to you tomorrow or some other time samantha says: good night .°`ďәstïńy`°. [.*.Carter.*.] -confusion?- says: good night soooooo i'm pretty sure this chica wants to like.. rape me.. yep.. pretty sure.. later days.

bad things come in threes..

sooo... this week has been.. interesting so far.. first bad thing.. last saturday... carter's mom found out we are having sex. that was fun.. welcome to my living nightmare. second bad thing.. i failed biology. um.. fuck? i studied for like a week straight.. so uh.. i guess i just suck then. third bad thing.. i'm sick. and its a weird sick.. like... "ow my stomach hurts and i want to puke! but puking doesn't help cause my immune system sucks!" grar.. but there was one good thing.. we got a new kitty.. his name is mojo [mitchell's idea] hes orange.. and amazingly cute.. but a devil. haha.. later days.