Major Breakdown

Well I had my first major breakdown today. I thought I was all over Carter and everything was fine, then I went to send him a text message and something strange happened. It was sent back to me. Apparently he changed his cell number again and for some odd reason, this distressed me. Actually, sent me into hysterics would be a better term. Why? I think I know the reason... Maybe because I'm not over him and pretend like I am so people will leave me alone. When really, all I want is to be held by the person I know that I'm still in love with and whose body I conform perfectly to. That is probably it. I'm still completely in love with him, and I can't get myself to just move on. I still have unfinished business and I honestly can't make myself believe that he doesn't feel for me anymore. I don't know, I'm probably just completely blinded by this naivety, but I don't care. I really, really want him back. More than anything right now. And yet, when in his company, I freeze. Really. I can't do ANYTHING, it's actually ridiculous. It brings me back to the days of Ty Foreman, except this time I actually know what it's like to touch, kiss and love this guy. It's been a long time since I've cried this much. When I see him I really just want to scream "LOVE ME! PLEASE JUST LOVE ME LIKE YOU DID!" But I can't, I won't. I refuse to show him my weakness. Especially since he is getting along just fine. God, his MOM misses me more than he does. ...It hurts.. later days.