Numb Me

Numb me, I don't want to feel anything anymore. Life is spinning out of control, who is going stop it? Numb me, please, I don't know what to do.. I cry out for help.. Who's there? I'm scared.. Numb me from the pain, the uncertainty.. These tears wash down my face, strip away what once was. Please God, numb me. Confused, so confused. What's next? Where do I turn? Do I remember the last time I was truly happy? What is this all going to come down to? Happiness, what is it? How can I find what I used to have? This unfeeling shell, a carcass of my former self. Who am I? Certainly not who I once was. Who is this girl? I look in the mirror and I hate who I see. Is this normal? What is happening to me? The pain, the heartbreak.. Please, just numb me. Reclusive, the fear of solitude, yet I pull back from the world.. Why? Is it only when you have lost everything when you gain the knowledge of what you need? I'm scared. How do I change this? I need to be unconscious, to not be able to feel. I need to be numb. Fill up my days with frivolous pastimes so the uncertainty can't creep back in.. Why? Am I not strong enough to handle it? Where did the old me go? I'm abandoned by my own personality.. This mask that hides the pain.. This humour.. How long will it last? How long until I crack? Is it my time yet? When will I go? How does anyone even know..